How to Buy a Car

Be a jerk.

When i went to the Honda dealership last Monday, I was pissed.  The Ford dealerships of Massachusetts had treated me poorly, had talked down to me, had infuriated and belittled me.  I just wanted a kotdamn set of wheels, I had cash to do so, and didn't wanna pay your fucking internet-special piece-of-shit price. 

I walked in to hear a woman over the intercom saying, 'Joon-ya, you have a visitor on the sales-flaw.  Joon-ya, a visitor on the sales-flaw!'  In walks the Fonz.  No lie.  His name was Richie Fonzi, Jr.  He was big and burly, nothing joon-ya to him, with gin blossoms and nosehairs like roach legs.  He shook my hand way too hahd and looked right at my tits.  I rolled my eyes and asked to test drive an Accord. 

I wanted the car and dreaded the conversation that was about to happen.  Joon-ya sat me down in his office, sat his fat ass down and pulled a fake cigarette out of his desk drawer, the kind that you can 'smoke'.

'Gretchen, lemme ask ya somethin'.  D'you smoke?'

"...sometimes...'

'Don't.  'Sbad faw ya.  Try these, they're great.  Feels like smokin' a real cigarette.'

'Yeah, but you look like an asshole.'

And that got me a sweet deal. 

 

ALSO:  As it is WTF Monday, I say this:  I have had the car for less than a week, and already some dipshit has dinged up my bumper.  What the fuck.

Comments

[jilbur]

Aw yeah.
And it wasn't even Superbowl Sunday! (<= my personal downlow trick for getting a good deal on a car ... sorry, caaaahh)