Because this one could NOT wait for Friday!
Question: Female ejaculation! Discuss.
Answer:
Joanna: That's not a question. Also, ew! You probably just peed the bed! Cover your shameful pudenda and run crying from the room!
No, honey, I'm sorry. Come back here. Sit down. :pats bed: You know what? That's normal. It happens, to some of us, sometimes. To others of us, a lot of times. And to still others, never. Whichever one it is for you, don't worry. You're normal.
Here is the Savage Love explanation, and here is a whole book about the subject (that I have not read). Here is another book by the same author. If you don't feel like doing the outside reading I will say, briefly: Yes, it is a real thing, and if you don't believe me, sniff it or taste it when it happens. The best way to make it happen is to spend a lot of time getting all warmed up, and then launch a targeted attack on the g-spot. The more rounds of approach-back off you do, the better it'll be. Add clitoral stimulation for extra credit. Don't stop if you think you're about to pee because probably you're not; throw down a towel and relax, hon. As for how to hit that spot, if you have a partner, that partner can use finger/s curved up in a "come here" kind of gesture (now that's easy to remember!), or the phallic object of his or her choice. If you're solo, a curved dildo works best.
You might see a giant wet spot; you might see a spurt. You might get a little dribble but oh my god, wasn't that awesome? And you might not be able to tell because if there's something big up in there, it's going to divert the flow. Or maybe nothing happens. I ain't making promises. Like anything else in sex, it's not a yardstick of your ability to enjoy yourself or please your partner, so nobody is allowed to get hung up on whether it happens or not.
A word about porn: Remember that most of what you see in even convincingly amateur-looking porn is fake. Or exaggerated. Or it's real but the person featured was specifically chosen because of her unusual ejaculating abilities. If you ejaculate but it doesn't look the way it does on the internet, let it go. Ha. Get it?
Bridget: So I was in the process of composing a dummy TMI question entitled "Squirting or Stress Incontinence?" when I saw that you beat me to the punch! And I'm glad you did, because your entry was far more succinct than mine would have been (as you've probably guessed by now, brevity isn't my strong suit). Anyhoodle...I find there are two kinds of people: those who consider female ejaculation to be a legitimate phenomenon and those who think it's piss. And then you have a person like me. Once upon a time I scoffed (secretly, of course, 'cause I wasn't trying to ruin other people's Christmases) at the very pornography to which Jo referred. The VERY PORNOGRAPHY! You know, like, Flirtin' & Squirtin' Part 6 or (tis' the season) Ejacula or some such. But then one day, after my current partner and I had been kickin' it for some time, IT HAPPENED TO ME! And I'm not talking a little fluid leakage...I'm talking a violent, porn-star-style propulsion of liquid. At first I wasn't entirely certain that said liquid wasn't pee (though it certainly didn't feel like I was peeing). So I did what any prudent researcher would have done: I tasted it. I mean, come ON...don't tell me you don't know what pee tastes like. Even if you've never tasted it, per se, you'd know it if you did, right? Well this did NOT look, taste, or smell like pee. It was clear (left no stain after drying on the white sheet), had a faint seawater smell (and I don't mean fishy so quit giggling), and tasted almost sugary.
Now, haven't read the book on female ejaculation, and I can't say I understand the physiology of the phenomenon, but I'm not sure I want to. I have decided that what I experienced (and have many times since that fateful day) is indeed female ejaculation and that I am awesome...and I would not like to be disabused of this notion. Because perception is reality (another notion of which I would not like to be disabused).
So...squirting or stress incontinence? You be the judge...but regardless of what you decide, you'll want to invest in a good sex blanket.
The Slanket!
I remember when it happened to you, Bridget. You texted me about it, and like a few days later, another close friend of ours let me know it happened to her a lot. I've had horny losers ask me if I do, which to me is their way of saying, 'I spend most of my day watching Dansmovies.com!' The answer for me is no, and I thank Jo for enlightening me as to how to make it happen (though I've done all that and seen no result).
Posted by: gretchen | 10/13/2011 at 08:23 AM
I vote incontinence. Totally. Pee can sometimes be crystal clear and have virtually no odor, especially if you hydrate like a mofo. I'm assuming if it's clear and odorless, it's tasteless, but I wouldn't know. I've had plenty of organisms (ha), alone and with others, and there hasn't once been a squirt. Not to be confused with being really really wet. So, my vote, it is b.s. And besides, why do women have to do everything like a man? What is there to prove? Either you got off or you didn't. If you do squirt, where the hell is it coming from? your urethra. Duh. Not your clit. Ladies, get over it and just focus on getting your rocks off.
Posted by: Micaela | 10/13/2011 at 08:25 AM
No, dude. There's research. Check the links. The urethra is where semen comes out too, darlin', and that don't make it piss.
Wanting to experience a full range of sexual enjoyment doesn't mean you're trying to be like the guys; it means you want to know what your body is capable of. Everyone's body is different; they don't all do the same things under the same set of conditions. And if we know anything from history, it's that the popular conception of sexual response in the human (and heck, even primate) female is woefully misguided. Not very long ago, and I'm speaking in mere decades and not centuries, we were told that there is only one "real" orgasm and it has nothing to do with the clitoris. There's not a lot of agreement over the function and evolution of the female orgasm, even to this day -- in fact, one theory posits that it is an evolutionary "oops" -- so by that token you could argue that even having an orgasm is trying to do it like a man.
I hope my point is clear: that sexual response, female AND male, varies widely, and to discount the possibility of something existing because it hasn't happened to you is pretty much what male researchers have been doing to women for centuries.
Posted by: Jo | 10/13/2011 at 08:36 AM
M, I don't think anyone's worried about doing it for any reason other than curiosity, new experience, and/or fun. Actually, I don't think anyone's worried about doing it at all. Seems to me it's just a point of curiosity for a lot of people who may have seen it and been all, 'whaaaaa?' or people who experienced it and were all 'whooooo?'
Some people do and some people don't, but that doesn't make it implausible or unreal.
Posted by: gretchen | 10/13/2011 at 08:44 AM
That blanket is awesome. So much sexxxier than a raggedy bleach-stained Buzz Lightyear towel (folded backwards so I don't feel like a pedophile)!!
I don't know what to say about squirting. It's real. I think I've done it a few time but not in the water-fountain-stream type way. If you bear down like you're having a baby, even more comes out! Or, that's what...I've...heard.......
Posted by: Rebekah | 10/13/2011 at 08:49 AM
True dat on the urethra analogy (I was too focused on the clit) but sorry ladycakes, but I still vote pee. Your *research* links above sell products (books!) so of course they promote it as a real phenomena. I did a quick google search for some scientific literature, and it seems as if the jury is still out. Just because there is "ejaculate like material" in your pee, doesn't make the act full on ejaculating in my opinion, but maybe I'm just splitting pubic hairs. I'm open to more scientific evidence, though!
http://www.springerlink.com/content/5612307qp5l33200/
Posted by: Micaela | 10/13/2011 at 08:54 AM
rebekah! to infinity and beyond. fantastic.
Posted by: gretchen | 10/13/2011 at 09:20 AM
gretchen, guys have actually asked you that? that's a dead giveaway that you're about to have the lamest sex of. your. life. because what he's really saying is that he's watched paid professionals have sex more than he's actually had human contact.
i've never experienced female ejaculation. personally,i'm just happy if i meet a guy has mastered the basics (read: can find the clit). i mean...how fucking difficult is it? when i was younger, i totally thought it was me. especially since the male reaction is usually something along the lines of "oh, you're one those girls that takes forever to cum..."
no, asshole. you're just completely unqualified. now that i'm older and wiser and basically don't give a fuck, i'm pretty much like "let me do it. you can watch if you want. or you can leave. your choice."
Posted by: ms ladymoist | 10/13/2011 at 09:20 AM
Well, we have some peripheral research on the tissue involved:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19453901
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17634056
Wow, look at this woman's publications! http://nursing.rutgers.edu/faculty_staff/directory/beverly_whipple Too bad some of those studies are from the '80s and I can't find them. Oh wait, here's one:
http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224498109551094
Most of the studies are old enough that you have to pay to get the whole thing.
Anyway. Yes, there is a wide variation in research, but enough analyses have shown a different chemical makeup of the ejaculate liquid (different from urine) that it's certainly not beyond the pale that it's a real phenomenon. Posited sources of the fluid include Skene's glands.
Oh, here's a fun article from Scientific American!
http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/bering-in-mind/2011/06/17/female-ejaculation-the-long-road-to-non-discovery/
Posted by: Jo | 10/13/2011 at 09:37 AM
Leave it to Jo to consult the literature to lend evidence to the argument! And yes, while most of the studies are old and I'm sure there are no randomized controlled trials, I would argue that the paucity of literature is most likely due to the fact that it's probably really difficult to come up with a foolproof experimental design.
I also wanted to say that not EVERY orgasm I have is accompanied by a deluge. But it does happen sometimes. And I enjoy it. And my enjoyment of it has nothing to do with wanting to be like a man or prove something.
But hey, maybe those who voted pee ARE right (though in my case, my pre-sex urine is not similar to whatever the hell it is that squirts out of me in the throes of getting it on...I mean, I'd have to wonder how the color, odor, and specific gravity of my urine changed so damn quickly?). And if they are, I'm cool with that...because I piss excellence. OH!!!
Posted by: Bridget | 10/13/2011 at 12:47 PM
First of all, let's not be so quick to dismiss something so awesome and pleasurable just because it's commonly considered a guy thing. Would you dismiss the joy of oral sex for a lady because guys dig blow jobs? I think not.
I am not suggesting I want to ejaculate because I want to do everything men can, rather, because i want to explore my body and all the pleasurable possibilities therein.
Posted by: justagirl | 10/13/2011 at 12:59 PM
P.S. if it were just about peeing on myself or my lover, I'd call it a golden shower and be done with it.
Posted by: justagirl | 10/13/2011 at 01:06 PM
HAaaa justagirl.
It just really rubs me the wrong way (ha!), the devaluing of an experience and in a really dismissive tone, no less. When you're talking about something as scientifically "mysterious" as female sexual response, you are out in the tall weeds as far as firm conclusions, and maybe that's because there's a huge natural variation and maybe that's because we don't collectively know how to ask the right questions and formulate the right studies. That means it's all the more important to consider subjective reporting, and to do so respectfully.
Here's a study design: I'll make up a jar of urine and a jar of the other stuff and send it COD to whomever wants to do the Pepsi challenge.
Posted by: Jo | 10/13/2011 at 01:22 PM
Also, any men wish to weigh in? If you have experienced this with someone, did it look, act, smell, or taste like urine?
Posted by: Jo | 10/13/2011 at 01:24 PM
Nah, I think the men won't touch this one. They're all in the shower because they're "still...not...clean" after realizing that we've peed all over them despite adequate science and anecdotal evidence to the contrary.
Posted by: Bridget | 10/13/2011 at 01:55 PM
I saw the Rutgers nursing (Whipple et al) and still am not convinced, sorry. And it's not *dismissive*, I simply don't feel like I have enough evidence to agree. And so what if you peed at climax? My thought a few hours later is this: If it feels good, do it! But then again I'm old school. And totally loved Ms. LadyMoist's comments.
Posted by: Micaela | 10/13/2011 at 02:14 PM
It's not dismissive to disagree or to remain unconvinced, but darn tootin' it's dismissive to say "Ladies, get over it," oh yes indeedy. I guarantee you there are plenty of women who have firsthand experience differentiating between peeing during sex and ejaculating.
Old school = Masters and Johnson, I guess. They didn't believe in female ejaculation either!
Posted by: Jo | 10/13/2011 at 02:29 PM
Jo, I spit my diet coke all over my antique wooden desk when you mentioned the pepsi challenge. If I weren't laughing I would have vomited. I don't want to drink my jizz straight up but kissing my lover after he's gone down on me is no big deal. And tasting my own breastmilk was cool too.
Gretchen, LOL!!!
Bridget, I'm still feeling warm and fuzzy from our antidepressant banter yesterday.
I love the Peery sisters. They ALL piss excellence and have phenomenal vocabularies to boot.
Posted by: Rebekah | 10/13/2011 at 03:20 PM
Yes, I will keep doing it and thank you for your blessing. But I'm telling you, man...I DID NOT PEE AT CLIMAX! Anyone who knows me personally knows that I would be the first person to admit to peeing myself. I'm not squeamish about bodily functions in the least and don't have some complex that would lead me to deny/ignore legitimate stress incontinence by calling it something else just so I wouldn't get grossed out. I am fully aware that, particularly if one is amply hydrated, urine can be almost clear/odorless, but it just doesn't seem logical that my pre-sex urine would be yellow and have a particular odor and then, not fifteen minutes later, without additional hydration (or sudden onset Diabetes Insipidus), I experience a marked change in color (i.e. I expel a substantial amount of completely clear urine) and odor. I'm sorry that there are not enough peer-reviewed, current studies of the highest evidence level on this topic; I guess the only way you might be convinced is if you took the "Pepsi Challenge" (as Jo put it) yourself, but I'm willing to bet you wouldn't be down. But I don't need to convince you; you have a right to your skepticism and opinions. But just because you haven't experienced it yourself and the body of evidence is not sufficient by your standards doesn't mean that it does not happen. And I don't appreciate being told to "get over it" or the implication that my experience with female ejaculation is somehow reflective of a need to try to be like the boys. And who the hell said anything about ANYTHING coming out of a clit? It's not an even an orifice (unless you're a spotted hyena...).
Posted by: Bridget | 10/13/2011 at 04:08 PM
Awwww...me too, Rebekah, me too! Anytime you wanna talk about psychotropics or anything else for that matter, come sit on my virtual porch :).
Posted by: Bridget | 10/13/2011 at 04:10 PM
It happens over here. I'd have Mr. Milkstained chime in but then he'd be all, "let's do it! get the webcam!" and frankly, I'm just not into it right now.
It's not pee. There's simply no way. You know how I know? Because I STILL HAVE TO PEE once the sexing is over. Also, there have been times when I feel like it's going to happen but then it doesn't, and then I have gotten this weird, too-full feeling and then I walk around with some sort of g-spot equivalent of blue balls for a few days until I can do it again (by myself or with someone else, yes) and then I eat a grape and jizz in my pants and it's like a 2nd layer of relief.
The orgasms that come along with squirting, for me, are so totally different than the "usual" ones. Way more, uh, birth-like? Mr. Milkstained has said that now that I've had kids he can hear the definite link btw getting fucked & pushing out babies.
Also, I have liberator wedge & ramp. We bought them a couple years ago from drugstore dot com with our Flex Spending account debit card. No lie!
Posted by: Milkstained.wordpress.com | 10/13/2011 at 08:24 PM
WELL PUT, Milkstained. About the birthiness! I think I've made that comment myself!
Posted by: Jo | 10/13/2011 at 08:28 PM
I'm a guy and it has been my lifelong goal to improve my repertoire of TTP(Tactics, Techniques, and Procedures). I've made women cum in countless ways. Ranging from kissing the neck to fucking their ass. I HAVE helped a girl squirt. It's not the end all be all. It's just another shiny tool in my tool box. I will say that I don't care if she shoots straight gasoline out there is still no denying the phenomenon or the pleasure it provides.
No girl is exactly like another physically or mentally. They all respond differently to different stimuli. Hence the figurative tool box.
In my opinion the makeup of the fluid it is purely academic. I simply don't care what it is.
If one day some lady tells me that the only way she can cum is to make herself vomit then I will take that road less traveled.
Posted by: Christian | 10/14/2011 at 01:28 AM
Yay Milkstained! I almost peed actual pee reading your comment. I know what you mean about squirting orgasms being different/more cathartic than the "usual" ones. I can't make the connection between said catharsis and birth, because I had C-section (and frankly, if my orgasms even remotely resembled major abdominal surgery, I'd be disturbed), but I can imagine.
I also want the wedge and ramp, but I'll just have to scrimp and save the way I did to buy the Slanket.
@ Christian: Right on. Also, you said 'tool'. Three times. Thanks for getting out of the shower of shame (that I made up and you obviously weren't in) to weigh in on the matter. The "figurative tool box" reminded me to overshare the fact that I have an actual tool box...with a lock and everything. And GET THIS: it's called (i.e. actually says on the box by some happy accident) THE ACTION PACKER! I remember hearing an ad for a service called black box or something where, in the event of your death, the company will somehow get to your house before your family does and rid the place of porn and sex toys so you won't be posthumously mortified. And now I don't have to purchase said service cause the whole internet knows. DON'T TOUCH THAT DAMN BOX!
Posted by: Bridget | 10/14/2011 at 06:21 AM
That's what SHE said!
Posted by: Christian | 10/14/2011 at 07:22 AM
I am a lady, and I have had sex with several ladies who ejaculate. Only one time did I ever think that it was actually piss, and that was during a whole day of sexcapades with a lady who ejaculated several times, peed once maybe (due to sexual stimulation) and then ejaculated some more. (It was yellow and smelled like coffee-piss.) I think there are times when sexy things cause us to pee, but they are much less common (and no less valid/fun) than the times that women actually ejaculate. I personally have ejaculated a couple times, but it usually requires more stimulation than my delicate flower can handle, and I end up feeling like my urethra was overworked from the intensity of vaginal stimulation. Most of the time, I am THRILLED when my ladyfriend ejaculates, and I know how to make it happen and encourage it. Sometimes I just don't want it in my mouth, because while it doesn't taste like piss, it does taste different from the way ladyjuices taste, and it's not as enjoyable to me. Also, it's much less predictable than when you're "essing some d" and the dude ejaculates. You can feel that happening and you know what it's going to be like, whereas female ejaculation doesn't happen the same way every time, and sometimes women squirt from things that don't normally cause that reaction.
Posted by: GOV | 10/15/2011 at 08:09 AM
"Essing some d"! I love it!! And I also found your perspective on the matter interesting and enlightening.
Posted by: Bridget | 10/15/2011 at 09:16 AM
It's true, GOV. Sometimes I squirt just from eating a big bowl of Frankenberry.
WHAT.
Posted by: Jo | 10/15/2011 at 09:41 AM
That question mark was supposed to be an exclamation point, dammit. Also: thank you, Jo, for resurrecting the monster cereal motif.
Posted by: Bridget | 10/15/2011 at 11:09 AM
Like Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and BooBerry, it can never die...because it is ALREADY DEAD.
Posted by: Jo | 10/15/2011 at 02:45 PM